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The excerpt represents the core issue or deciding factor on which you must meditate, and is drawn from The Hated Son by Honore de Balzac: is a dual being whose sensations cover two existences.
"Ah, if some woman as loving as I could infuse into him hereafter the
life of love, how happy he might be!" she often thought.
But the fatal interests which consigned Etienne to the priesthood
returned to her mind, and she kissed the hair that the scissors of the
Church were to shear, leaving her tears upon them. Still, in spite of
the unjust compact she had made with the duke, she could not see
Etienne in her visions of the future as priest or cardinal; and the
absolute forgetfulness of the father as to his first-born, enabled her
to postpone the moment of putting him into Holy Orders.
"There is time enough," she said to herself.
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