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The excerpt represents the core issue or deciding factor on which you must meditate, and is drawn from Story of an African Farm by Olive Schreiner: condition which some have passed through.
After hours and nights of frenzied fear of the supernatural desire to
appease the power above, a fierce quivering excitement in every inch of
nerve and blood vessel, there comes a time when nature cannot endure
longer, and the spring long bent recoils. We sink down emasculated. Up
creeps the deadly delicious calm.
"I have blotted out as a cloud thy sins, and as a thick cloud thy
trespasses, and will remember them no more for ever." We weep with soft
transporting joy.
A few experience this; many imagine they experience it, one here and there
lies about it. In the main, "The peace with God; a sense of sins
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